This blog post was written by Emily Ong, who is was born with cerebral palsy and amniotic band syndrome. She is a fashion model and disability advocate and lives in Singapore. Emily and I met via social media and I am so honored to have her sharing her experiences with you today!

These are my thoughts regarding/pertaining to growing up with a disability and attending a mainstream school. I am not here to complain, but to give insight! My only hope is that people will read this post and empathize with life in a mainstream school. If I was more aware and was given a choice, I would still choose to attend mainstream school again. 

My name is Emily - a 19 year old girl living with spastic diplegic cerebral palsy and amniotic bands syndrome, which affects both my hands and feet. Cerebral palsy (CP) is a disease that affects a person’s posture and movement due to a problem that has affected the brain. My CP only affects my legs. Amniotic bands syndrome occurs when the inner lining of the amniotic sac is torn during the early stages of pregnancy. When this happens, strands of tissue (amniotic bands) form. These fiber strands tangle around the baby and decrease the blood flow, thus affecting the growth of body parts. In my case, this has affected the extremities of my limbs. The causes of my diseases are still unknown. 

I faced so many challenges in school, which you will find out soon, but you may ask, “Why do you still choose mainstream school?” I feel that my biggest takeaway from mainstream school was an eye–opening experience of how the world/public really views and treats the disabled. I feel that if I had not gone through that, I would be naïve in the face of finding my identity during my adulting journey. Secondly, I feel that it has really helped me to feel “normal” and to stretch my abilities. Most of the time, I was not given any special attention from my teachers. I was also expected to be able to function as well as a “normal” student would.  For example, although I was granted access to the one and only school lift (elevator), I hardly used it and chose to climb the stairs to my classes. Thirdly, I think all these experiences really shaped me into becoming more resilient and helped me to find my own strategies to overcome the challenges thrown at me. 

Undoubtedly, mainstream school life was hard. I did have trouble with my school teachers and friends. I was also faced with a serious bullying case. 

During my schooling period, the awareness of dealing with disabilities in children was low in Singapore. There was little support given by the government in terms of financial aid and spreading awareness, and having a disability was still considered as taboo, so this may explain why my teachers were not able to handle situations well. My teachers did not have much experience in  handling my abilities during physical education lessons. Thus, most of the time, I would be sitting out waiting for the class.  Additionally, when I came to them for friendship or group work problems in primary school, they would just assign me into any random group instead of addressing the root cause - my classmates’ lack of understanding and inclusivity regarding my disability. Maybe school life would have been better if they talked about inclusiveness and diversity in class. 

My classmates often left me out for countless activities and projects. I was ostracised. Things worsened during my secondary school years. For group activities/projects, I was still the only one left without a group. It went downhill, until I had no friends in my class in the last year of secondary school. As a result of all these friendship issues, my recess and lunch breaks were often spent alone. Occasionally, if we had the same breaks, I would hang out with my other friends from different classes. This made school life a lot easier. Even attending my graduation prom was difficult! My school prom required us to sign up in groups of 10 for a table. I really had to shamelessly ask many groups whether they allowed me into their table. I was rejected many times before I found one kind group that would let me in. Often, this is the process when I am finding groups for group projects. My image as a disabled outcast and my shamelessness of forcing myself into groups was met with a lot of judgemental stares, reluctant expressions and gossiping before a half-hearted “okay”. These things occurred regularly, until it became a “norm” for me. Why didn’t the teachers do anything about it?  I stopped asking teachers for help because that only made matters worse and I avoided telling my parents because it would make them sad. 

I acknowledge that almost everyone goes through school with some degree of bullying and that I am no different. I hope you will still allow me to share what happened in my case. A lot of false rumors of me were spread throughout the school. There is one particular bullying incident that is etched in my memory. It was during my last year of primary school. It was the time when Whatsapp just started out and it was trendy to have smart phones. Some of my classmates created a group chat with all the other classmates in it except me, including those that held leadership positions. In the group chat, they plotted ways on how they would bully me or "kill" me. Two very kind classmates told me about this. When I found out about it, I cried, but I did not tell my parents. My parents found out soon after and they brought the incident to the teachers attention. The teachers and the vice principal gave a stern warning to the class about bullying and had my classmates apologize to me. That was the end of the incident.

You probably are already forming a negative impression of my schooling years and of mainstream school. However, I assure you that I did have periods of happiness during these tough times, even though they were short-lived. These came when I had the opportunity to spend my recess breaks with my other friends from other classes. They really took good care of me, encouraged me and valued me for who I was. I am really grateful and blessed to have found them during these dark times. 

Without a doubt, my schooling experience was gruelling and dark. However, I really took a lot away from it which I could use in other life situations. Through these experiences, I found the meaning of true and close friends, found joy in the smallest of things to remain hopeful and many more lessons. I definitely learned and felt how the world sees a differently abled person like me. 

I want to assure you, especially if you are a parent reading this, that mainstream schools are still good choices. It doesn’t mean that if you let your child experience this, you are a “bad” parent. It doesn’t mean that if you put your child in specially designed schools you are a “bad” parent. Every child is unique and different, and so is every parenting style. You already made it this far, you know what is best, go with the choice that makes you feel at ease. 

I want to applaud you, especially if you are another differently abled soul,  because you have done a great job coming this far. Please don’t give up even though there is only a slight glimmer of hope- you never know what is waiting for you on the other side.  Celebrate the smallest victories! You are always special and well loved by the people around you.

I want to congratulate you, especially if you are a normal person reading this. Thank you for stopping to read my story. Thank you for wanting to learn. Thank you for wanting to make a difference in another person’s life. 

I share because I care, this is the first time I am talking about this openly. Truly, my only hope is to allow you to understand what my experience of growing up with disabilities in a mainstream school was like.

I am so thankful that Emily has chosen to share her story with our community and I feel privileged to amplify her voice. To learn more about cerebral palsy, click here and to connect with Emily click here.

…mg