A couple of weeks ago, I introduced you to Lisa Stout, the mother of Allie, who was born with a unilateral cleft lip and palate. Allie is now 27 years old, just received her Master’s degree, and is a practicing speech language pathologist! You can find Part 1: Raising Allie here! Today, Lisa will share with us all about her family’s journey through hospital stays, surgeries, and raising Allie and her two siblings.

Part Two: Allie, Her Siblings,
and Our Family

Tell us about Allie’s siblings. Did they ever ask questions about Allie?

Allie is the middle child. She has an older sister, Taylor, and younger brother, Keaton, and they are a very tight threesome!  They love each other fiercely and are very protective of one another. They did not ask a lot of questions about Allie, and I don’t have a response as to why. I know they both felt bad that Allie had to deal with certain things (i.e.: her speech, breathing, hearing, surgeries, appointments, academics) but they were always there for her and visa versa. It was how we all loved each other. Like I said before, we made Allie’s cleft very normal in our family. It doesn’t surprise me that they didn’t ask questions, because we never made a big deal out of it. 

How did you explain Allie being in the hospital, having surgeries, and being away from school and home for extended periods of time?

When Allie was in elementary school, she was going to have a pretty extensive surgery.  She was a bit nervous and knowing she would miss school for about 4 to 6 weeks was a strange feeling for her. I remember trying to think of ways to help her during this time, so I asked Allie if it would be alright if I went to her 4th grade class and shared a little bit about what she was going through. Her peers were so kind and inquisitive, nothing mean-spirited at all. They asked me questions about her recovery and when she would return to class. Everything they asked was in a curious, yet healthy way. I explained Allie’s next step in a way they could understand, but made sure they were not afraid to talk to Allie when she returned and ask how she was feeling.  The kids were amazing! They sent cards and sweet gifts to Allie...it was a beautiful thing!

Like I mentioned, going to the hospital for our family was just part of the plan. Grandma or my husband, Darin, were always at home if Allie and I had a hospital stay. Taylor and Keaton didn’t come to the hospital unless it was a long stay, because they had class and responsibilities, too, but when we returned  home, they were always so loving and caring with Allie. They never skipped a beat . 

After I asked Keaton what surgery he recalled being the most difficult on Allie, he instantly said it was “the one where her mouth was wired shut for weeks.” He said he felt so badly for her not being able to eat or talk. I am sure this was a very hard thing for him to see and I know he was sad to see Allie so uncomfortable. My kids all care so deeply for one another, so it was very difficult for them to see Allie in pain. Our hardest challenge in that long recovery was Day 19. Allie still had her jaw wired shut and she was wanting real food. She was so sick of smoothies and protein drinks and she just melted in frustration on the kitchen floor. She cried so hard, and I could see the pain of her situation in her eyes. We hugged for what seemed like forever. I let her vent as best as she could, but  she was my strength, and had such a high tolerance for pain. Seeing her so distraught broke my heart. Both of us will never forget Day 19. 

Did you parent Allie different than her siblings? Did she get in trouble for the same things? Were you just as hard on her?

Yes, we treated Allie the same as her siblings and she did not get “special treatment” when it came to discipline or pushing her. Both Darin and I had no doubt Allie would be an amazing human. We never said “poor thing” or “let’s give up” or “you have a cleft, so it’s okay to not give it your all.” Allie had big, big dreams and we wanted her to reach all of her goals.  She is one of the most motivated and resilient people I know. We are extremely proud of our Allie. 

Thanks for following along for Part Two of this Q&A series and be sure to subscribe to hear Part Three (Lisa’s advice for a new mom on this journey) in a few weeks ! Feel free to leave any questions you would like Lisa to answer in the comments below!

...mg