21 Lessons Our Son Has Taught Me

Hi! I’m Kate. But, these days, most people know me as “Hayden’s mom.” Because that’s how Hayden is. He’s magnetic. He’s extraordinary. He’s the one you notice. Maybe it’s because of his beautiful almond-shaped eyes or the engaging way he hands out fist bumps and high fives. Maybe it’s because his joy is infectious and his smile will make your day. Or maybe it’s because he naturally spreads hope and kindness through living his life with freedom, self-confidence, authenticity, and grace.

Hayden loves learning and growing alongside his peers and being meaningfully included and supported in all aspects of his school and community experience. Depending on the day, you might find him participating in martial arts, Special Olympics Young Athletes, swimming lessons, basketball, baseball, programming at his local GiGi's Playhouse, or playing with friends from his kindergarten class. Some other favorite things include: climbing, jumping, exploring, swinging, dancing, listening to music, and being awesome.

Hayden joined our family through open adoption in 2017 when he was three-and-a-half years old. Since then, he and his extra chromosome have rocked our world and taught us more about life and love than we have ever known...

1. We are all capable of achieving greatness—anticipate it.

2. Believe in the power of possibility.

3. Tell your people that you love them.

4. Everyone has gifts to offer that deserve to be shared with the world.

5. Show up and say hello.

6. Inclusion matters and everyone belongs.

7. Have the courage to try something new.

8. Play to enjoy the game—that’s how you win.

9. This moment matters. Pay attention to it.

10. Dance with joyful abandon.

11. Seek to learn—ask respectful questions and talk about differences without shame.

12. Focus, practice, and work hard.

13. Be true to yourself and you will attract the best kind of friends.

14. You deserve to be loved without condition.

15. Laugh every day.

16. The emotional and intentional work of open adoption is important—lean into it. Elevate and listen to the voices of adoptees and first parents.

17. Perfectionism is a trap and comparison is a thief. You are enough just as you are.

18. Diversity makes the world a better place.

19. When you are feeling scared, anxious, angry, lonely, or sad, say so. Vulnerability and authenticity are the pathways to true connection.

20. There is not only one way to do things. Be flexible, be creative, and find your way that works.

21. Life is abundant. There is always more hope, more joy, and more love for us all.

One day last spring, Hayden and I were the only ones at a local playground for quite awhile. Then, a little three-year-old girl came. She started playing near him and eventually said very innocently, “Boy, where’s your voice? I have my voice.” It was a completely innocent and typical three-year-old question—but I surprised myself by starting to silently cry behind my sunglasses. I helped them introduce themselves and kept a close eye on them, but I really tried to let them figure each other out on their own. Before long, they jumped, ran, sang, climbed, chased, hugged, and played dinosaur and princess together. By the time she had to leave, she didn’t want to go because she was having so much fun with Hayden. She walked all the way to her car with her mom and then suddenly ran back to me where I was sitting on the bench to give me a dandelion. Sometimes, weeds are actually flowers.

To learn more about Hayden and the Harris family, follow along at @everybody_sayhay on Instagram!