Have you heard the poem,“Welcome to Holland” by Emily Perl Kingsley? Kingsley wrote this poem after she was asked to describe the experience of having a son with Down syndrome and it has since been shared millions of times with families experiencing something similar.
This new world can seem daunting and overwhelming and quite frankly, scary! I see you, I hear you, and I’ve got just the thing to help you navigate your new reality. Download my FREE guide: 5 Things to do After Your Child’s Diagnosis, full of easy to follow action steps to help you guide you on your journey. Click here to download instantly!
So you just found out your child has a disability…
Or maybe you’ve known for a while and you’re still working through the feelings surrounding this new reality…
Or maybe you’re looking to send some encouragement to a friend. Either way, you’re in the right place!
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Parenting a Child with a Disability
When I first began researching and learning about the disability community years ago, I came across a poem written in 1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley, a mother, social activist and pioneer for inclusion. Her son, Jason, who was born with Down syndrome, was one of the few actors with disabilities to be included in mainstream television, first appearing in Sesame Street at 15 months old. Kingsley wrote this poem, entitled “Welcome to Holland,” for parents navigating the unknown waters of diagnosis and parenthood. I continually find myself rereading and recommending this essay to others and I am honored to share it with you today.
Welcome to Holland
By: Emily Perl Kingsley
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this…
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away...because the loss of that dream is a very, very significant loss.
But...if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things... about Holland.
c. 1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved.
Don’t forget to download my FREE guide: 5 Things to do After Your Child’s Diagnosis. I designed this to help you navigate the unknowns that come with a new diagnosis, as well as provide support and extra resources. Click here to download now!
I’m so glad you’re here and I’m excited to be on this journey with you - Welcome to Holland, Mama!
