Navy

On June 20th, I went into labor at about 5AM. Labor was quick and easy for the most part and I gave birth at 11:10AM! Throughout my pregnancy, I felt very connected to Navy. I went through a hard time when COVID-19 first came out. My anxiety was through the roof and I could barely function because I was terrified! During that time, the connection I had with Navy in my belly kept me going. I think because there was so much unknown about Coronavirus and fear circulating that it helped me connect so strongly to this baby in my belly because she was such a light in a dark time. I was so excited to meet her!

The day she was born, I expected things to go the way my other two pregnancies went. My second baby looked just like my first when she was born so I thought Navy would look just like them, head full of hair and daddy’s nose! I wanted to breastfeed, so I asked if I could do that following birth and have that immediate skin to skin.

Then she was born.

I heard her first cry and was so relieved but then it stopped and started again and stopped which I thought is all pretty normal. I held my girl for maybe 30 seconds and then they took her to the side to check her out.

My husband stood by Navy’s side the whole time . They all kept reassuring me she was okay and she just needed some oxygen. As a mama, you know when something is going on with your child. And by the soft spoken conversations between my husband and the doctors, I just knew there was more, so that’s when I lost it and cried out, “What is wrong?”

Back up a little bit, because I want to show how good God is! At the time I was about to give birth, there were no pediatricians available, but they had the head Neonatal doctor from a children’s hospital in their hospital that day, so she came to assist the nurses not knowing anything that was about to happen! All God!

The doctor and my husband then came to my side and my husband, who already know the diagnosis, told me she was doing okay and that her lungs sounded fuzzy. They were also concerned about her heart and she needed oxygen because she was little blue coming out and she stopped breathing couple of times. Hearing this alone made my heart sink. I just wanted to hold her and protect her from all this! Then the neonatal doctor came closer and told me that due to all of her conditions, they want to transfer her to the children’s hospital so she gets the best care. Then she said what I never would have expected…“We also suspect Navy has Down syndrome.”

Have you ever seen the movies where someone gives news and the whole screens zooms out and you no longer see or hear that person talk?

Yeah that was me.

I couldn’t believe she was talking to me! I wanted to punch someone. What do you mean Down syndrome? I don’t really even know what that is and I know I don’t have kids that have special needs so I just know you’re not talking to me…but she was. Any mom that has ever gotten this same news probably had all the same things go through their mind, but when you stop your mind you remember, I just gave birth to a LIFE! A beautiful girl ! A gift from God!

From there it was like everything happened so fast ! She was taken out of the room into another room to get couple more tests done while they were waiting for the transfer team to transfer her to the children’s hospital. I was scared and thinking, “Will 30 seconds be all I get with my girl?”

The moment she left the room, me and my husband had one the most intimate moments with God, complete surrender!

We cried and prayed and cried some more. This was so unreal and unbelievable. I truly thought I’d wake up any moment now from a dream! When they got Navy ready for transport they brought her in so I could say goodbye. Saying goodbye to your newborn that you’re supposed to be holding and bonding with at this moment was the hardest part. I didn’t want to let her go. My husband went to the children’s hospital to be with Navy and I stayed, of course, because I still had epidural running through my legs. During COVID, you can only have one person with you, and my person and my daughter left. Luckily I had an amazing doctor who said, in my circumstance, my mom could come. So my mom came to be with me until I could be discharged. I was discharged that night and left to go meet my daughter. When I got to the other hospital around 11PM, I remember looking at the time thinking of all that happened in the last 12 hours and still is this a dream!

Navy was stable and on oxygen. I was told she has a hole in heart, umbilical hernia, and she was on feeding tube as well. Seeing her for the first time, I was scared. So many cords and tubes and machines beeping. I didn’t want to hold her because I didn’t want to hurt her, but the moment I held my baby it was like my freaking heart burst!

Now let me tell you about Navy! This girl is a rockstar already!!!

She spent 6 days in the NICU and only 5 of those 6 she was on the oxygen and feeding tube. Her lungs cleared, she ate regularly and the hole in heart is small enough to just need a follow up. Again all GOD!

The NICU life was hard. But knowing what I know now, we are so blessed that we took our baby girl home in less than a week!

The days following were actually a blur for me - so much information, doctor calls, follow ups, reading material...it was a lot!

After a couple days of her being home, I got the call that 100% confirmed she has Down syndrome. That call changed my life. Even though I already knew she did, it was just the stamp on it that brought me to my knees. All I could think was, “How am I going to do all this? Can I do this?”

Again God picked me up...I felt Him physically hold me and tell me it’ll be okay! From there on, this journey has been nothing but AMAZING. Navy June stole my heart! She has already made me see love in a way I didn’t know existed. From the moment I bonded deeply with this baby in my belly, I knew she would be special and she is extra special! If someone asked me if I would go back and change the diagnosis I’d say no because it wouldn’t be my Navy.

Navy is only 3 months and she’s touched mine and my family and friends hearts! I want people to know that Down syndrome is so beautiful! Navy does all the things newborns do. Cry, sleep, poop, snuggle, and captures your heart with her smile! I know her development and growth will look different than it did with my other girls but that’s okay! I want people to know she has parents that’ll raise her up to first love God and to love herself!

One the things I fear most is that Navy is mixed race. Right now there’s already so much racial tension and division.

My oldest daughter is 10 and already struggles with her hair looking different than others so when I found out Navy had Down syndrome I was scared she’d struggle with everything about her being different than others, including the color of her skin. I thought there’s really no one that I know or seen that’s biracial and have Down syndrome. Then I started connecting on Instagram and notice tons of families that are just like us! It makes me even more excited to advocate for Navy and show the world that Black is beautiful, and diversity in the Down syndrome community is beautiful!

I want Navy to always feel like she’s loved in this world!

As were entering into this new world I know it’s scary and overwhelming and so many “what ifs” and unknowns. But I also know God is with us and wants good for Navy! I know we won’t be alone.

This community has been the best community. I’ve received so much love and compassion! I can’t wait to advocate for Navy and show the world how BEAUTIFUL having an extra chromosome is!

To learn more about sweet Navy June, follow along @bestthingscomeinthrees on Instagram!